Enter VALENTINE and SPEED
He offers a glove.
VALENTINE
Not mine. My gloves are on.
SPEED
Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
VALENTINE
Ha! let me see. Ay, give it me, it’s mine.
5Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Sylvia, Sylvia!
SPEED
[Calling] Madam Sylvia! Madam Sylvia!
VALENTINE
How now, sirrah?
SPEED
She is not within hearing, sir.
VALENTINE
10Why, sir, who bade you call her?
SPEED
Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.
VALENTINE
Well, you’ll still be too forward.
SPEED
And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
VALENTINE
Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Sylvia?
SPEED
15She that your worship loves?
VALENTINE
Why, how know you that I am in love?
SPEED
Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms, like a malcontent; to relish a love-song, like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
VALENTINE
Are all these things perceived in me?
SPEED
They are all perceived without ye.
VALENTINE
20Without me? They cannot.
SPEED
Without you? Nay, that’s certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would. But you are so without these follies that these follies are within you, and shine through you
like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.