Enter LANCE with his dog, Crab
When a man’s servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard—one that I brought up of a puppy, one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even as one would say precisely, “Thus I would teach a dog.” I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Sylvia from my master, and I came no sooner into the dining chamber, but he steps me to her trencher and steals her capon’s leg. O, ’tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for ’t; sure as I live, he had suffered for ’t. You shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemanlike dogs, under the Duke’s table. He had not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing while but all the chamber smelt him. “Out with the dog!” says one; “What cur is that?” says another. “Whip him out” says the third. “Hang him up” says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs. “Friend,” quoth I “you mean to whip the dog?” “Ay, marry do I,” quoth he. “You do him the more wrong,” quoth I; “’twas I did the thing you wot of.” He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for his servant? Nay, I’ll be sworn I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed. I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for ’t.—Thou think’st not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Sylvia. Did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I do? When didst thou see me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman’s farthingale? Didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
Enter PROTEUS and JULIA disguised
[To JULIA] Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well,
And will employ thee in some service presently.
In what you please. I’ll do what I can.
5I hope thou wilt.
How now, you whoreson peasant,
Where have you been these two days loitering?
Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Sylvia the dog you bade me.
And what says she to my little jewel?
10Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is good enough for such a present.
But she received my dog?
No, indeed, did she not. Here have I brought him back again.
He points to his dog.
What, didst thou offer her this from me?
Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman boys in the marketplace, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.
15Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Or ne’er return again into my sight.
Away, I say! Stayest thou to vex me here?
Exit LANCE with Crab
A slave, that still an end turns me to shame!—
Sebastian, I have entertainèd thee,
20Partly that I have need of such a youth
That can with some discretion do my business,
For ’tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,
But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,
Which, if my augury deceive me not,
25Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth.
Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.
Go presently, and take this ring with thee.