• Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.

    FABIAN

    Nay, I’ll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport, let me be boiled to death with melancholy.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?

    FABIAN

    I would exult, man. You know, he brought me out o' favor with my lady about a bear-baiting here.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we will fool him black and blue. Shall we not, Sir Andrew?

    SIR ANDREW

    10An we do not, it is pity of our lives.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Here comes the little villain.
    Enter MARIA
    How now, my metal of India?

    MARIA

    Get you all three into the boxtree. Malvolio’s coming down this walk. He has been yonder i' the sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of him. Close, in the name of jesting!
  • SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN enter.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Come along with us, Signor Fabian.

    FABIAN

    I’m coming, don’t worry. If I miss this, let me be boiled alive.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Won’t you be glad to see that rascal dog humiliated?

    FABIAN

    I’ll be thrilled. You know, he got me in trouble with the lady of the house once when I arranged a bear-baiting here.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    We’ll have another bear-baiting just to make him angry, and we’ll mock him till he’s black and blue. Won’t we, Sir Andrew?

    SIR ANDREW

    If we don’t, it’ll be the biggest disappointment of our lives.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Here comes the little villain herself.
    MARIA enters.
    How are you, my golden girl?

    MARIA

    Hide behind the boxwood hedge, all three of you. Malvolio’s coming down the path. He’s been over there practicing how to act for the past half hour. Watch him carefully if you want to have some fun, guys. This letter’s going to turn him into a starry-eyed idiot. Now hide, for God’s sake!