• Enter SEBASTIAN and FOOL

    FOOL

    Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

    SEBASTIAN

    Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let me be clear of thee.

    FOOL

    Well held out, i' faith. No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

    SEBASTIAN

    I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else. Thou know’st not me.

    FOOL

    10Vent my folly? He has heard that word of some great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

    SEBASTIAN

    15I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me. There’s money for thee. (giving money) If you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.

    FOOL

    By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report—after fourteen years' purchase.
  • SEBASTIAN and the FOOL enter.

    FOOL

    Are you trying to tell me that I wasn’t sent to get you?

    SEBASTIAN

    Oh, who cares, you’re acting like a fool. Leave me alone.

    FOOL

    Good for you, holding out on me like this! No, I don’t know you, and my lady didn’t send me to get you, and I’m not supposed to tell you to come speak with her, and your name is not Master Cesario, and this is not my nose, either. Nothing is what it is.

    SEBASTIAN

    Oh please, go somewhere else to blab your nonsense. You don’t know me.

    FOOL

    Blab my nonsense? He must’ve heard that phrase describing some great man and now he’s using it on a jester. Blab my nonsense! What an idiotic place this world is. Now please stop being so strange and tell me what exactly I should blab to my lady. Should I blab to her that you’re coming?

    SEBASTIAN

    Please, fool, go away. Here’s money for you. (giving him money) If you stay any longer, I’ll give you something worse.

    FOOL

    Well, well. You’re a generous man. Wise men who give fools money might get a good reputation—if they keep up regular payments for fourteen years.