• Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

    SIR ANDREW

    No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

    FABIAN

    You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

    SIR ANDREW

    Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon me. I saw ’t i' the orchard.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me that.

    SIR ANDREW

    As plain as I see you now.

    FABIAN

    This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

    SIR ANDREW

    10'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?

    FABIAN

    I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and reason.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a sailor.

    FABIAN

    15She did show favor to the youth in your sight only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her, and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness.
  • SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN enter.

    SIR ANDREW

    No, I won’t stay a second longer.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Why are you leaving, my angry friend?

    FABIAN

    Yes, you have to tell us why, Sir Andrew.

    SIR ANDREW

    Well, because I saw your niece Olivia treat the count’s messenger better than she’s ever treated me. I saw it in the orchard.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    Did she see you there the whole time, old boy? Tell me that.

    SIR ANDREW

    Yes, she saw me quite clearly.

    FABIAN

    Well, that proves she’s in love with you.

    SIR ANDREW

    Are you trying to make fun of me?

    FABIAN

    No, I’ll prove it with airtight evidence and logical argument.

    SIR TOBY BELCH

    And you can’t deny evidence and argument—They’ve been around since Noah’s ark.

    FABIAN

    She flirted with the messenger boy to exasperate you, fire up your passions, and make you angry and jealous. You should have run up to her, unleashed a few excellent quips invented on the spot, and rendered the young man speechless.